When I hear a woman saying, "I don't get along with women, I'd rather make friends with men" or “I’m not friends with too many women because they’re too much drama,” or "women hate each other," I can’t help but cringe. A small part of me wants to die and the other part of me wants to hug that woman.
You see, I was raised to hate women. I was taught that women create drama, that they're jealous of me and are competing with me, and that I just should not trust women. I was taught to not trust the women in my workplace, the women in my circle, and definitely the women who even wave at my man. Why? Because women hate each other. Women hate me.
Is it not funny that, even though men create so much drama in our lives, even though men can emotionally abuse us to the point where we doubt and hate ourselves, even though men hurt us so much, we are never taught that men hate women? Why?
As women, we will forgive the same man for the same hurtful behaviour over and over and over and over and over again, but when a female friend does us wrong just once, we won't think twice about cutting them out of our lives. We are taught to fight to keep a man, and taught to quickly let go of female friends. Why?
Listen...., not all men are dogs and not all women are bitches. Not every woman is out to get you or is in your life to create drama. You know how some of your relationships with men haven't worked out due to irreconcilable differences or due to the fact that the guy was just an asshole? It's the same with your relationships with women. It will happen that you will meet a woman who is out to ruin your life, a woman who is just the devil incarnate. But that's who SHE is. That's HER character. One woman is not a reflection of all the women in world. As much as not all men will like you, not all women will like you either. That's just life.
I consider myself very lucky and blessed to call some of the most incredible, strong, talented, supportive women "friend." I love women and I believe that women love me. I learn so much from women. I draw so much strength from women. There are struggles and challenges that I have had to face and I know I would've never been able to get through them without my female friends, female colleagues, and female strangers. I believe that it's easy for other women to show up for me because I show up for them.
One day I hope to have a daughter and I want to teach her that other women are not out to get her and that they aren't competing with her. I love complimenting, encouraging and supporting women, because I know the challenges we, as women, face everyday. As a women, we already have so much going against us, I can't go and be against other women. I will not believe that women hate me, because women don't hate me. I hope to one day have a daughter I will teach these same principles to.
Remember that life is a reflection of who you are, so if you, as a woman, believe that women hate women, ask yourself a few questions. Ask yourself, "How loving and supportive am I of other women?" Ask yourself, " Do I love women the way I'd like for them to love me?" Ask yourself, "Am I the change I'd like to see in the world?"
Women don't hate each other, and that's just life as I see it...
How are you?
When was the last time you said to someone, "How are you?" because you really wanted to know how they were? When was the last time someone asked you, "How are you?" and you answered truthfully and genuinely?
A few days ago I texted a very dear friend of mine, "How are you?" and she replied, "I'm centred. I'm fine."
Then I replied with, "How are you? How are you really?" She then replied, "I'm torn up inside. I'm in pain. My heart is broken."
It got me wondering, how many people in my life are torn up inside, in pain, heartbroken, and dying quietly, that I believe are fine? How many people who are family or people who claim to be my friends genuinely care about how I really am? How many of them ask me, "How are you?" because they really want to know how I am?
We live in a time and place where we are so busy, so consumed by our own thoughts and our own lives that we care very little about those we claim to love. We ask, "How are you?" out of habit and not because we care to know how the person really is. We answer, "I'm fine," because that's what we're used to saying and not because we really are fine. We also don't believe that the person asking, "How are you?" is genuinely interested in knowing how you really are.
We need to do better and be better. We need to slow down and listen to what those around us are saying and aren't saying. We need to slow down and listen to how we are feeling without being afraid to feel that. And we need to remember that we are human beings and not robots. We need to stop saying things we don't mean out of habit. We have to do better.
Perhaps we should stop using the response, "I'm fine," and actually learn to articulate how you really feel instead of saying what we're used to saying. Perhaps we say, "I'm fine," because we don't want to accept that we feel the way we do, because acknowledging our feelings makes them real. Perhaps we are aware of how we feel but are afraid to tell those around us because we fear being judged and ridiculed by them. There are so many "perhaps" I can think of, and many more that I can't think of.
Next time you ask someone, "How are you?" mean it. Ask and then wait for an answer. Listen to the answer. Really listen. And if you're not convinced, ask again, "How are you really?"
And next time someone asks you, "How are you?" tell them how you really are. If you're happy, say you're happy. If you're hurting, say you're hurting.
So, here I am, I'm asking you, "How are you?"
"Really, how are you?"
I think a lot. I question a lot. This is my journey to finding the answers and also sharing with you my thoughts on life as i see it...
bits & pieces