How are you?
When was the last time you said to someone, "How are you?" because you really wanted to know how they were? When was the last time someone asked you, "How are you?" and you answered truthfully and genuinely?
A few days ago I texted a very dear friend of mine, "How are you?" and she replied, "I'm centred. I'm fine."
Then I replied with, "How are you? How are you really?" She then replied, "I'm torn up inside. I'm in pain. My heart is broken."
It got me wondering, how many people in my life are torn up inside, in pain, heartbroken, and dying quietly, that I believe are fine? How many people who are family or people who claim to be my friends genuinely care about how I really am? How many of them ask me, "How are you?" because they really want to know how I am?
We live in a time and place where we are so busy, so consumed by our own thoughts and our own lives that we care very little about those we claim to love. We ask, "How are you?" out of habit and not because we care to know how the person really is. We answer, "I'm fine," because that's what we're used to saying and not because we really are fine. We also don't believe that the person asking, "How are you?" is genuinely interested in knowing how you really are.
We need to do better and be better. We need to slow down and listen to what those around us are saying and aren't saying. We need to slow down and listen to how we are feeling without being afraid to feel that. And we need to remember that we are human beings and not robots. We need to stop saying things we don't mean out of habit. We have to do better.
Perhaps we should stop using the response, "I'm fine," and actually learn to articulate how you really feel instead of saying what we're used to saying. Perhaps we say, "I'm fine," because we don't want to accept that we feel the way we do, because acknowledging our feelings makes them real. Perhaps we are aware of how we feel but are afraid to tell those around us because we fear being judged and ridiculed by them. There are so many "perhaps" I can think of, and many more that I can't think of.
Next time you ask someone, "How are you?" mean it. Ask and then wait for an answer. Listen to the answer. Really listen. And if you're not convinced, ask again, "How are you really?"
And next time someone asks you, "How are you?" tell them how you really are. If you're happy, say you're happy. If you're hurting, say you're hurting.
So, here I am, I'm asking you, "How are you?"
"Really, how are you?"
I think a lot. I question a lot. This is my journey to finding the answers and also sharing with you my thoughts on life as i see it...
bits & pieces